maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
