i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want to make out with him forever
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
