Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
