If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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