dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
