it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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