so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize