I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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