Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
