i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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