Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
