Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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