I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
