there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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