How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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