yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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