Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
