Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
