It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
