Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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