Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
