Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
