god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
