I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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