I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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