I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
