i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
