I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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