Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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