Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
