Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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