from now on my penis is your penis
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
