Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
