my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!