dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
