How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hippo gnu deer
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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