hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
