Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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