He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
