Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
