Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
