Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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