so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
