so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
