You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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