I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
