My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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