just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
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I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
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Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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