what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
