Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
