I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
