you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
