Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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