I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
