the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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