I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
