I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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