HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
