I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
