I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
