she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
