I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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