i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
