After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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