Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
