i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
