Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
