Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
