So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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