There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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