So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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