The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
