I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
