He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
