Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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