I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
