Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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