First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
