jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
