theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
